Checking Back

So even though I haven’t updated everyday [[which was usual for me]], this blog still gets hits.  You people have been checking back.

How often do we check back with God?  We pray and pray to him, but do we ever check back when we see minor improvements in our lives or in those of friends around us?  I can tell you that I don’t always.  In fact, more often than not, I don’t.  Most of the time it’s because I’m busy.

It puts of the appearance to God that  I’m just too busy for Him.

Too busy?  For the Creator of everything?  Laughing games to Him, surely.  The fact of the matter is that I can never, ever be too busy for God.  I might not have a regular Quiet Time every day [[though in all honesty, this is my Quiet Time with God- I get to reflect with Him one on one]], I might not pray regularly, and I may not be the best Christian ever, but I know that in His eyes, I am good enough.  I also know that I am undeserving of such unconditional love.

The new year is right around the corner, and I’m making some resolutions that I want to keep for as long as possible.

*I want to be a better friend

*No more Chuck Norris jokes in Barrens Chat

*Follow drawing, practice it more

Everything, I’m Not All That Picky.

Today, before our meal, I did something I have never done before.

I blessed the food. Not only did I bless it, I blessed it aloud, for everyone to hear. I would like to take this moment to say that I am thankful for everything in my life, most notably, Jesus Christ, who loves me more and more every day, even if I don’t grow much daily.

I’m thankful for Steve, Geoff, Tom and all of my other friends at UNCG….I’m thankful for the youth who I see so much potential in, I’m thankful for my family, for each day that God lets me have on this earth. I’m thankful for the suffering I go through, that I may grow that much more.

I’m thankful for Tara, Tashia, Meesh, Bethany and the Courtneys for taking me in and being my mother roles here…for Steve, Geoff, Tom, Zac, Tim, Steven and Mike, who are not only cheerful, but amazing to be around.

And my Mom, Dad, and Brother, whom I can’t stand to be without.  I love you all!

I’m thankful for every single thing on this planet. I hope that today is amazing for everyone, like it is for me. Happy Thanksgiving.

Security Blanket

When I came back home this week, I had an agenda of things to do: hang out with my brother and my friends from high school, visit with my family, eat at Tropical Smoothie….check out Whalebone to see if I still had my job.

I wondered if they would still keep me on the payroll after be being out for school.  I mean, I knew they liked me there, Jim and April were always understanding if I couldn’t work, which was very rarely.  I even picked up shifts for other employees, which in their eyes set me on a level of high commitment.

This kind of security made me breathe a sigh of relief.  I mean, even if I can’t work over the winter, the security of knowing that I still have my job for the summer is awesome.

I’ve been searching, and I’ve found this same sort of security in God.  My life is planned for me, and it’s all His plan.  Whatever my struggles are, I lift them up to Him, and He deals with them for me.  I’ve also done enough…we all have.  How amazing is that?  God loves us, even though we, His own creation, His own children, mocked Him and beat Him.  He loves us even after we nailed Him to a cross for the world to laugh at.  He loves us even if we don’t love him back.

This unconditional love I find security in.  Because of this, and because of Him, I love Him more and more every day.  His love is a security blanket to me.  I keep myself warm and safe under it, and I invite everyone in out of the cold, harsh world.

Stressing Over Worrying, Worrying Over Stressing

Stress is a common thing that most people deal with.  Whether we like it or not, we are the ones who create stress for ourselves through worrying about things that are out of our hands.

For instance.  I had blood some blood work done last Thursday.  I was told that my results would be in on Tuesday, and to come back.  So let’s see….that’s the rest of Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday that I had to psyche myself up about any mess of blood diseases that I could have been diagnosed with.  That’s almost six days of, “I’m so nervous…” or “What if…”

I created a lot of unwanted and definitely un-needed stress for myself (like Steve and Tom told me I was doing), because when the results came back today, all was well.  All of my numbers were good, and the nurse told me that the cause of my exhaustion was the fact that when I sleep, my mind isn’t sleeping.

My point is that we worry about things that we shouldn’t.  Ultimately, God is in control of everything.  We stress ourselves out because we think that God is going to steer us into a dark alley full of gangsters who are going to mug us.  Well, if He does, it’s in His plan.  We actually insult God when we try and take control and disobey Him.  I’m pretty sure that He doesn’t like it.

And yeah, it’s hard not to worry.  I have complete faith in God, yet I still worry daily.  Steve put it in a good perspective last night before 24×7 that there’s nothing to worry about, and that there’s no reason to produce this unwanted stress through worry.  So now….all I have to do is block out the worrying, and if I have any problem, to just give it to God in prayer.   He knows our problems before we even bring them to him.

Long story short…don’t stress worrying about your plan.  God is in control.

Swing

I saw a father pushing his son on the swing set on campus two days ago.  The son was bound and determined to swing as high as he could without the aid of his father.  He soon got frustrated because he couldn’t go as high as he wanted, and was ready to give up.  But the father saw this and encouraged him, and began to give him small pushes.  The father taught his son how to swing so that he could then do it on his own.

It seems to me that this is like our struggle to be close to God.  We first start off so weak and we don’t know exactly what to do without guidance.  We often will do things like pray, but not get the instant results we want.  God doesn’t jump out at us and say, “You’re here!  Finally!”  Because of this, we get frustrated, and sometimes discouraged, and this causes us to give up of the whole ‘God Thing’.

The little pushes we get from those in our small groups and our community help us to grow and get us closer to God.  Other pushes that get us higher on our spiritual swing are our things like Bible study, prayer, and quiet time.  It’s funny to say it like this, but Christianity is a well-oiled machine, and in order to produce optimal results, you’ve got to make sure your machine is in check.  If it’s not working right, you have to go back and find what part is malfunctioning, and fix it.

For me, it’s prayer, or rather growing in myself and being able to accept that I’ll never be able to do anything that is good enough for God.  But I also need to learn that if I want to help others, I have to help myself first.  So when I fix that part of my machine, I go on to the next and see how it’s working.

I wonder why the child wanted to swing higher?  I remember that when I was little, I told my father that I was close to God when I swung high.  I had to have been only three or four, and the only thing I knew about God then was ‘Now I lay me down to sleep’ and ‘God is great, God is good’, that He lived in the sky.

We’re told to worship and have faith as if we were children, and now I think I understand why.

Do As The Romans Do

Romans 8:31 “What, then, shall we say in response to this?  If God is for us, who can be against us?“

Everyone, you might answer.  Family.  Friends.  Everyone.

Friends.  It’s a scary thought to think you might lose friends over something you believe.  There’s no doubt about it.  Sometimes it seems like the whole world is against me because of my beliefs.  But, if you believe in something fully with your whole heart, is there any reason for you to sway when someone questions it?  No.  You stand firm…unless you have doubts in what you believe.

Friends.  Most of the time, your actions are based on them.  Whether it be consciously or subconsciously, generally we act in hopes of pleasing our friends.  So when one of them confronts you, or pressures you about something, you will find that they tend to have a lot of influence in the decisions you make.  Sometimes, they even try to shake what you believe.

Last night, and into the wee hours of this morning I had to have another conversation with Steve.  It started out a little something like, “Hey…uh..nevermind, this is stupid,” because in all honesty, I didn’t expect him to be awake, and instantly turned into me spilling my problems to him.  He’s a patient listener.  He really is.

If you don’t know me very well, I’m an extremely sensitive person.  If I get embarrassed, I cry.  If I get upset, I cry.  If I care so deeply about something, I cry.  I take everything to heart.  Even the smallest of problems.

Last night, I felt so small in the eyes of God.  I felt like I had failed Him because I couldn’t defend my belief in Him.  I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I was just completely unable to do anything.  But, I was told (with the most reassurance ever!) that it is impossible to fail God.

With much recommendation, I read Romans 3-8 during my Quiet Time today.  I came across a few verses that stuck out to me.  I understand it now.  Being ridiculed, and laughed at, tormented, teased, hazed, made a mockery of…it’s all in the name of God.

“For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.  No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who love us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any power, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creatio, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:35-37

That verse has been spoken a lot the past couple of days between Tara, Tim, and Steve.  But it is important, and answers the verse presented at the beginning of this entry.  Who can be against us?  Here, a few more:

“Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character hope.” -Romans 5:3

“You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness.  I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves.” -Romans 6:18-19

“..For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For what I do is not the good I want to do…” -Romans 7:17

“….if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.” -Romans 8:17

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” -Romans 8:18

So, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

God Is My Orange Tic-Tac

It’s a pretty outlandish statement, no?  Well, when I think about it, most outlandish is a relative term, so I can say what I think is true.

You know those orange tic-tacs?  They’re so good, you almost forget they’re breath mints- you pop one, and about five minutes later, your whole container is empty.  Why is this?  It’s simple.  Orange tic-tacs are addictive.

I sat and I prayed today, a lot, and about tons of different things.  I’ll tell you this much- once I started talking to Him, I couldn’t stop.  I had to keep going, and going, and going.  We forget that we should treat God like a person with feelings.  I gave that a try this morning, and something clicked.  My thoughts about prayer used to go a little something like, ‘I should be super formal because I’m talking to God, the creator of the universe.’  Haha.  Wow, was I stupid.  He doesn’t want me to talk to Him like that.

Sometimes I used to think that God was really a giant corporation in heaven, where He’s the CEO.  Please submit all requests in written application, transactions may take up to 4-6 weeks for delivery.  Due to the amount of incoming requests at any given time, there is a chance that there won’t be time to answer your request.  We thank you for your understanding and are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause you.  Yeah, right.

Crazy no?  It’s so cool to think that my God is just another person like me in that He has feelings and should be treated as such.  Tim made a great point last night: “If you had a wife and you only spent five to seven minutes with her each day, would you really feel her presence?”  He’s totally right!  You aren’t going to feel His addicting presence if you only spend five minutes with Him each day!  My God is like an orange tic-tac!  He’s so addicting I can’t not have Him!

So why the sudden epiphany?  I was sitting with Meesha in the Caf today over a discussion of a minor health concern I’m having, and we got on the topic of medicine, and how once you become addicted, the pills are nothing more than orange tic-tacs.  After I said that, I looked to her and went, “And you know what else?  God’s my orange tic-tac!”

It’s a silly analogy, but it’s one that can give a small glimpse into my relationship with God, which, by the way, is growing more and more every day.

Photosynthesis, Chlorophyll, And An Undying Urge To Be More

I’m a plant.

In comparison to God, I view myself as a plant in that when He breaks me, I grow back bigger and fuller each time.

This is my shortest entry thus far, but it speaks volumes.

Those Things In Disguise

bless•ing |ˈblesi NG |

noun [in sing. ] God’s favor and protection : may God continue to give us his blessing.

• a beneficial thing for which one is grateful; something that brings well-being : great intelligence can be a curse as well as a blessing | it’s a blessing we’re alive.

———

Most of the time, it seems like the trials we endure are not blessings at all, when in fact they are blessings in disguise.  Take, for instance, the death of my friend Parker.  At the time, it didn’t seem like a blessing at all, to be honest, it seemed like a curse.  However….through time, I found that Parker’s death actually brought me closer to God.  True, I told you that I thought there was no God, but it was because I didn’t understand then what I do now- should Parker have stayed on this earth, he would have suffered more.  It was his time, God called one of His sheep back to Him.

God works in mysterious ways.  You know it, I know it, the world knows it.  We often question why things that happen happen.  There’s no real reason except that God wants it to happen.  He has a purpose for making us experience the things that we do.  There is always a hidden lesson in them.  As they say in Romans 11:34 - “Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been His counselor?”

We are very quick to assume that God is punishing us if bad things happen to us.  In reality, we don’t know what He is thinking.  Ever.  We like to pretend we do.  We sometimes even like to go as far to believe that God actually owes us something.  Get with it-  He doesn’t owe us anything, and He needs nothing from us.

How amazing is it then, that our God, who needs nothing from us, and owes us nothing,  sent his Son to die for us?  It’s pretty epically amazing, I’m not going to lie.  It amazes me.

The definition above says that a blessing is a beneficial thing for which someone is grateful, but sometimes, I think that we actually forget to be thankful for our blessings.  It might partially be because we don’t know what is and isn’t a blessing until after it has happened- like me with Parker’s death.  At the time it didn’t seem like a blessing at all.  Now it does.  I couldn’t be thankful for his death then, but I can be thankful for what it has caused now.

But what about the good things?  We often assume that only good things can be blessings- sure, they’re more pleasant to look upon, and they’re easier to remember too.  I count all of my friends as blessings- God put them in my life for a reason, and at a moment when I needed it most.

So, never count your blessings, rather…be thankful for them.

On Keeping Your Cool

How would you act in a situation where your friend needs medical attention? Would you be able to separate your emotional attachment for this person enough to act on what you know needs to happen rather than what you think would be best? It’s hard to imagine keeping your cool in a situation like this. If someone can’t calm down enough to take control of the situation, things could spiral downward into chaos.

Last night was one of those situations. One of the girls sustained an injury to her head- a rather serious blunt-force incident. I came back to chaos. In all honesty, the girls didn’t know what to do. It’s understandable. They were frantic because their friend was acting weird- she had the mentality of a two-year-old. She wouldn’t drink, she wouldn’t take medicine; she only wanted to lay down and sleep, which is the last thing you should let someone do if they have sustained that sort of injury.

She refused to go to the hospital, and after talking with her, I coaxed her into taking some ibuprofen and drinking a bit of water. After fifteen minutes of attempted bribes and coaxes to get her to the hospital, and her still refusing, and the girls still frantic and not knowing what to do, I looked at one of them and said, “I’m calling campus police, and I’m having them dispatch an ambulance. We aren’t qualified to sit here and try and coax someone who has sustained an injury to the head to the hospital. We need a professional who can make sure she’s okay.”

“But Kayla, she said she’s fine.”

“You know she isn’t. This is serious. Hate me if you want, but this has to be done. I’d rather her have to pay money to make sure she’s fine, than her not pay money and be compromised.”

I went to bed last night thinking the girls were upset at me. They initially hadn’t wanted to call an ambulance, and I called for one.

I wonder why I don’t see more Christians treating people they know don’t know God like this? Like the hospital and the doctors there that could save this girl should she need it, God has the ability to save us. Even though this girl was reluctant to go to the hospital, just like many non-Christians are reluctant to go to Christ, the hospital came to her.

I know God comes to us, I’ve seen it and I’ve experienced it. It’s those crucial moments in between where we have to act with clear, logical thinking. If we only run around frantically because people won’t come to Christ we’re doing no more good than we would if we stayed in our Holy Huddles. It takes persistence, and sometimes a stubborn will. You can’t get your feelings hurt easily.

If I had worried about what the girls thought of me, I might not have called the ambulance. The point is that I didn’t care. I’ve said time and time again in my entries that I know it’s not popular to be a Christian nowadays, but I don’t care- I know what is true, and I know what I’m supposed to do.

It’s amazing how you can draw parallels like this, but as I sat down to think about it, it opened up a few more doors to God for me. Every time I say it, I believe it a bit more: God truly does work in mysterious ways.